Whenever I get the opportunity to talk to people whose leaders inspire them, one word constantly comes up: listening. And it\u2019s always interesting to wait for the next word: mostly its \u2018encouraging\u2019. As in \u201che was a great listener: really encouraging\u201d. The third word is generally prompted by me \u201cAnd what did that mean for you?\u201d Response \u201cconfidence\u201d. It\u2019s a magic trinity; one word predictably following another.<\/p>\n
Listening – it can seem insignificant, polite, even passive. But true, deep, curious, generative listening is truly the elixir of leadership: it demonstrates respect, signifies openness and tells the talker \u201cyou matter\u201d. Put simply: it is hard to estimate its impact.<\/p>\n
Good listening is about creating a space that allows people to do their best thinking and talking. And it\u2019s much more difficult than it sounds \u2013 the tendency to explain, tell, justify is very strong<\/p>\n
So how do you do it? I’m never quite sure about the \u201ctalk to your partner for two minutes\u201d exercises that you find on leadership development workshops. I think they\u2019re useful \u2013 just not sure how much of an impact that they will have back in deadline-land. Developing self-awareness, e.g. by consciously noticing how you listen and recording it in a learning journal, can be very powerful.<\/p>\n
A mnemonic can help (a tiny bit): mine is CARES:<\/p>\n
C<\/strong>urious – Get really curious about who is coming to talk to you and why. This can help switch off the automatic, unconscious story that often kicks off,<\/p>\n A<\/strong>sk Questions \u2013 ask sincere open questions. ”Open’ is not just about the wording \u2013 it\u2019s about the state of the listener\u2019s mind,<\/p>\n R<\/strong>eflect \u2013 reflect back what the person is saying, using their words. People\u2019s words give you an insight into their world. When you reflect them back you are saying \u201cI understand your world\u201d. Then stay silent. This will either move the conversation on (\u201cyes, and as well as that\u2026\u201d) or it will move it to a deeper level (\u201cand what was really tough about that was\u2026\u201d),<\/p>\n E<\/strong>nvironment: for deep conversations, the right environment is important \u2013 phone and laptop away, private space. (This should really be at the beginning but then the mnemonic is ECARS which is not as beautiful!)<\/p>\n